I’m so angry. I’m so hurt. Fuck the system. Fuck Kim Foxx. Fuck the prosecutors who victim blamed. Fuck them. I’m angry. And hurt. And I need to talk about it. Or write about it for now (I have therapy tomorrow night).
I’m so angry and hurt I feel myself coming to tears.
On Tuesday, my attorney and I had a meeting with the forensic veterinarian who wrote a report explaining that each wound that I said Mat inflicted on Kirby and Daisy was shown in the autopsy reports. In the meeting, she said that every word I said directly correlates with the vet reports which directly correlate with the injuries my dogs suffered.
I know and I’m so angry.
I’m angry because the system told me that didn’t matter. The system told me it was my word against his. The system told me it didn’t matter that Mat had been to jail before for domestic battery. He would find people to testify to his good character. It didn’t matter that I have people that would testify to my honest and TRUE good nature.
The prosecutor told me the police hadn’t seen a scar on my butt from when Mat had his dog attack me. I’m still incredulous at that. WHEN I PULLED MY PANTS DOWN TO SHOW THE DETECTIVE THE SCAR ON MY ASS, SHE SAID “OH YEAH, I SEE IT” BUT GO AHEAD AND GASLIGHT ME KATHY, SUPERVISOR OF THE PROSECUTORS. LITERALLY GO AHEAD AND GASLIGHT A VICTIM/SURVIVOR OF DOMESTIC ABUSE. It’s absolutely deplorable that she’s in a position of authority. As a woman, too. It disgusts me.
I’m so angry and hurt because I want to have hope but the system has thrown me down and kicked me and told me I can’t. They told me this was my fault. They told me there was no evidence to press charges against Mathew Berry for killing my beloved and sweet angels, Kirby and Daisy. FUCK ALL OF THAT I’M STILL SO ANGRY
The forensic veterinarian asked my attorney if there’s still a chance of criminal charges against Mathew for this. My attorney said she’s going to send everything over to the prosecutors after we finish our case in a couple weeks. And that hurts me to my soul. It saddens me profoundly. Because we have everything. But the system is so fucked and it just hurts my heart and soul.
The detective had told me that the forensic veterinarian’s report didn’t matter because “she has good intentions but it doesn’t matter.” So she (the forensic veterinarian) is going to testify in court and analyze the veterinarian reports about how the injuries indicate blunt force trauma. But it’s still not going to be enough.
I’m going to print out copies of the lawsuit and send them to the prosecutors, along with the transcript from court. My attorney is going to do the same. I’m going to mail the court documents to the prosecutors. You want to tell me that my testimony isn’t credible? Isn’t reliable? FUCK YOU IT’S BEEN SWORN UNDER OATH INTO COURT NUMEROUS TIMES. MY STORY ABSOLUTELY NEVER WAVERS. FUCK YOU. I’M ANGRY.
And my heart hurts. Mathew Berry SHOULD BE IN PRISON for what he did to my dogs. HE DESERVES IT. And the system keeps letting him off and that is how he learns that he really is above the law. I’m so angry. The veterinarian said that Mathew isn’t done. It’s only a matter of when he hurts another being, and this time it will be a person. Yep. When he hurts another being, Kim Foxx & the Cook County Justice System: you will have blood on your hands. You already do. You just wear gloves to cover it and point your bloody fingers at the victims. Despicable.
I’m angry and I’m sorry that this post is so angry, but I’m angry. And hurt. Every time people ask me about criminal charges, it breaks a little piece of my soul. Because this isn’t right. It isn’t fair. It’s not fair. It makes me angry. It hurts me. It breaks me. And I hate it. I hate the system. I hate the victim-blaming system. I hate the supervisor of the state’s attorneys who told me that it was my fault that we didn’t take Kirby to a vet earlier that day NEVER MIND THE FACT THAT MATHEW BERRY HELD ME HOSTAGE IN HIS CAR THAT ENTIRE DAY. I’m sick. I’m just so sick. This hurt is profound.
And for all the people who told me to “get over it,” to “move on because criminal charges are just ‘never going to happen’,” I remember your words. I feel this hurt constantly. It’s a profound injustice. So FUCK YOU to the system.
And when you, the system, keep letting criminals off with a pat on the back and you keep blaming the victims and survivors of horrendous crimes, I’m going to share your truth with the world. Because the blood isn’t on my hands. It’s on yours. And I’m like a canary, singing the truth to the world. You will not silence me or my voice. I will share the truth with the world.
And all of this, the fucked up system, the victim blamers within the system, you will be the subject of my second book. It’s already begun.
Sarah's Story 