I went on a walk this morning with my dog Rosie (I’m taking Rosie and Joey out separately to train them) and on this walk, in the gorgeous sunshine, I saw Kirby and Daisy with me. Kirby, exactly like this in the picture (my favorite picture of him), and Daisy running up ahead of us, playful and happy to be here with us. I was so happy and full of love to see them there with me. I can feel their spirits with me almost constantly, but today, the connection is so real. After the walk, I drove down to a Starbucks to meet with a coworker. In the car, I felt Kirby with me as I typically do, and I knew Daisy was back with Rosie and Joey at home. That’s how they do it, you know. Kirby is with me constantly, and I mean constantly. He was my guardian angel on earth and he protects me as he is always by my side and watching over me in his world now. Daisy protects me and loves me by watching over Rosie and Joey, because she knows that I wouldn’t be able to withstand anything happening to them. And so that’s how they both watch over me. Kirby is with me, by my side, constantly, and Daisy takes care of Rosie and Joey. They are love, so so infinitely love.
I grieve all the time, in small ways. I know it’s something I’ll deal with for the rest of my life, and for that I am grateful and blessed. The love I feel for Kirby and Daisy is immeasurable, and I am honored to grieve because it is how I feel love for them. I don’t hate grieving. I embrace it.
These days, I grieve a little extra because we’re coming up on the anniversaries. Daisy’s birthday is March 27, it would be her 3rd birthday. But she only got 1 birthday here on earth. And then May happens and we honor and grieve the date of her death. And shortly after that is June, when we mourn the day Kirby was so wrongly taken out of this world. I mourn the loss of the small moments. I mourn the loss of holding them in my arms. Of feeling their soft fur, their warm tongue giving me kisses. I grieve them nuzzling their head into my shoulder and arm as they seek closeness and comfort from me. I grieve holding them ever again, as that’s something I’ll never be able to do on this earth again, and it’s the thing I hate the most. These days, I grieve a future death. I grieve that Kirby would be 8 and his death in the comfort of my arms and the safety of a vet’s office, surrounded by love on all sides, is something he will never know. I’m grateful that for his actual death, he was surrounded by love as he passed in my arms, and my love is and was a barrier that shielded him from all hurt. For I know on that day, Kirby’s soul did not feel the hurt that his perpetrator inflicted on him. His body suffered but Kirby’s soul was lifted in love. I grieve the birthday Daisy will never have. The years and milestones that were robbed from her. I grieve the lives lost, the experiences never to be had. And I’m so thankful for the grief. It’s hard and it’s sad, but I will never not give thanks for the grief and sorrow I feel. God’s love is immeasurable and the grief is a blessing of love. And I am thankful for that.
I’m thankful that I now love Kirby and Daisy through loving Rosie and Joey. Whenever I feel sad and miss holding Kirby and Daisy, Rosie or Joey will come plop themselves into my arms as if to say, “I’m here, Mom! Ready for cuddles! Don’t be sad, I’m here!” And I know that that too, is a blessing.
I am blessed in so many ways and I give thanks to that. Love is profound and I am enveloped in love in all aspects of my existence.
So today, we feel the sunshine. We feel the warmth of Kirby walking in the sun beside me, or Daisy running ahead, ready to play. And we feel the grief of their loss, which is ok. And we give thanks for that. We give thanks for the love that transcends all. We give thanks for the love that is. And I am so grateful.
Sarah's Story 