I’m turning a new page, starting a new chapter, and it feels so good.
Last week, my abuser’s biological sister reached out to me and disclosed some hard information. I had really mixed feelings about it and was blessed to have therapy the next day. I told my therapist that it made me feel gross, not fulfilled, to have her reach out to me. So we unpacked it. I realized that me sharing my story is something I only want to do on my terms. I don’t like when people try to connect with me and ask what I’m doing about the fight for justice because quite frankly, it’s none of anybody’s business. I’ve fought for my life for justice and I’ve made peace with where things stand, because I’m beginning the next chapter and I don’t want to be stuck in the past. I don’t like that his sister contacted me and was telling me about him. So I unpacked that too. I realized that when other people have reached out to me, it was to connect with me as a survivor of abuse. It was to connect with me. I have no reason or want or desire to connect with somebody over the individual, the monster, who did all these horrible things to me and my dogs. That’s not the story I want to connect with others on, nor should I.
So then my therapist and I were talking about sharing my story on social media and I admitted that I haven’t been posting as much as I did when my story was recent and fresh, for lack of a better term. And we discussed how that’s probably for the better because of where I’m at in my life now and where things are going.
I never read this to him in open court, but I had prepared a statement in case I had the opportunity. In my statement to my abuser, I wrote: “what you did to me, to my family, is part of my story, but it is not my whole story. It is yours. You are the monster who hurts and kills dogs, who abuses women,” and so on. And it’s true. This is part of my story, and it will always be part of my story. But it is not my entire story. I’m moving forward in my life and I don’t want to be stuck in the past trauma. It’s just that. I’m moving forward and that’s beautiful. I’m dating again and I want to embrace this new chapter and not be stuck in the trauma. I deserve this. And it’s beautiful.
So, I’ll share my story as I feel comfortable or the desire, but that may very well be few and far between. My story isn’t just the past. My story is the now, the future just as much as the past, and it’s ok to embrace that.
So here’s to a new chapter. Because? Well, because it’s a beautiful thing. 🌸
Sarah's Story 