I said it. Victim blamers need the victim to be murdered to understand the power of abuse. Until then, they hold the victim as responsible for being abused instead of the abuser for abusing.
So here’s my reflection:
I have received more support than ever, especially lately, especially now that Mathew Berry has been charged for torturing and killing my dog Kirby. And I cannot explain how much I appreciate that, the support, and lean into that.
My videos are getting traction right now on Tik Tok, and I love it because I’m getting (a) so much support and (b) victims coming forward and asking for help. My goal is to be a safe place for victims to seek community and support, and I have all of that to give. I love you guys and I’m here for you always.
As my videos gain popularity, the victim blamers come out. Here are the general comments I get from them:
“I listened to your entire podcast and I’m so ANGRY at you!!!! This is your fault!!!! You stood by and watched and did nothing to protect your defenseless dog!!!! You let this happen!!!”
“This is your fault. You should never be allowed to have dogs again, or children. Never have children.”
“You BROUGHT Kirby to him???? This is your fault!! He was safe at your parents and you brought him!! I’m sick!!!”
“You should’ve protected those babies!!! You let this happen!! This is your fault!!”
(and my favorite) “I’ve gone through domestic violence myself. This is your fault!!! You should’ve protected those babies! I never would have let this happen and I was abused myself!” << there’s a lot to unpack with this one but my first question is, have any of these commenters gone through therapy? I don’t think so because this 100% is projection and deflection. They’re angry at themselves for not having the power to stop the abuse they suffered, so they get angry at other DV victims for being abused. It’s a mirror onto themselves and they haven’t coped or dealt with the fact that they’ve been abused either, or what that really means. My heart breaks for these comments and I wish them the healing they deserve.
Even the Cook County prosecutor listed her reason for not pressing charges against Mathew Berry as “high culpability of Manos herself.”
And I delete these comments and block the commenters whenever I see them, because it’s not my responsibility to defend myself or change their mind or make them understand abuse or get them to have empathy. Victim blamers are weak. They don’t have the capacity to blame the man who was abusing. They see abuser and victim as equal, and that fundamental belief is flawed.
My abuser abused me, abused my dogs, and killed my dogs. He was going to murder me. I cannot explain the pure knowing that you are going to die. The wondering if he brought a gun today, if he’s going to grab a knife from the kitchen, the knowing he would probably just use his hands, the fear as he’s driving 100+ MPH down the highway and you’re clinging to the seat, fearfully thinking about what impact will look like as he crashes and you die.
So this is my response to the victim blamers, even the ones who ask for help understanding (“I want to understand, it just looks like this is your fault and you could’ve stopped him”).
Let me explain this:
Mathew Berry has over 12 victims that I know of.
Each one of us has the same story (with me being mostly the exception for animal abuse): he said his dad was a law enforcement agent who was watching all of our texts, locations of our cars, the mafia was involved and would hurt our families. He came from this abused background and because of that he’s broken. It’s the same playbook for every. single. victim.
I survived. I don’t need the attorneys, police officers, judges, and domestic violence advocates to verify what I already knew: he was going to murder me next.
And to the victim blamers, for you, I’m so sorry that I survived. Because the only way you would understand the abuse, what I went through and fought tooth and nail to survive, would be for me to not have survived. For the abuser to win. For him to murder me. And because the only way you would understand us victims being abused is for the abuser to win and murder us, I feel sorry for you. Genuinely. I hope you’re doing ok because it’s clear that you’re not, and I feel sorry for your existence in such a sad and lonely state.
I survived. And I’m using that to change the world. I came within inches of my life, every single day, for those 10 weeks. I came so close to death, to not surviving. But I did. I survived. I fought for my life and I survived. And because of that, I’m committed to using my light to help others. And I’m doing that – I am the sun (as I have learned in therapy). And I love you all for your support and being here with me on this journey.
I share my story to bring awareness to domestic and animal abuse. I share my story to help others, to show them that they too are incredibly powerful and can survive and escape domestic abuse too. I share my story for them. And for the poor victim blamers who come across my story, I wish you peace and wellness on your journey as well.
Thank you all for being here with me. I love you more than you know. I appreciate you tremendously. Thank you.
With love x10000000,
Sarah 🤍
Sarah's Story 