Yesterday was Daisy’s birthday. I woke up and immediately felt angry. Anger at the fact that she’s gone, that she got one birthday, that she was only a baby when he killed her. Anger that the system failed her and no criminal charges were or ever will be brought against her. Angry at the fact that somebody commented that I always post the same pictures of Daisy, and it’s because yes, these pictures are all I have of her. She was 13 months old when she was killed. I have limited pictures and videos of her because of her extremely limited time on earth. So it breaks my heart sometimes because it’s the reality of the situation. And it’s all so wrong.
So I posted and shared that I’m angry. Sometimes when I share things like that, my lovely and caring supporters will message me telling me they hope I can move on from the anger someday. And I’m like, why? First of all, I feel anger like this only a handful of days throughout the year. On her birthday, I’d say that’s completely justified. I’ve done INTENSE therapy for over 2 years now and I’m in such a great place, I just am so grateful for the healing I’ve gone through. So sometimes I feel anger, and why shouldn’t I? Why should I move past that someday? You mean that I can go through this horrific trauma and grief, this absolute pain, and I shouldn’t feel anger about it once in a while? I’d argue that I should feel anger about it. I get people care about me and don’t want me to be hurting or suffering, but like tell that to Mat. Tell that to the prosecutors who denied Daisy’s case. Why is it on me to experience what I went through and then not feel anger?
Again, I only feel anger very very rarely. I’ve gone intense therapy and it’s fair that I feel this hurt and anger sometimes. And it’s just part of it. It’s not fair, it’s not right, and this is just part of it. I’m blessed to feel anger because it means I acknowledge that what happened is WRONG. And it means I’m going to do something about it. Just wait and see ❤️
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