so hey! It’s that time of year where I’m extremely busy with coaching (yeah, working 14 hour days, 5-6 days a week) so I haven’t had time for much else. I love it but lately I’ve been thinking about the future and wanting a life of balance, where I have more time for myself and my family instead of just working myself to the bone. Don’t get me wrong, I love what I do with a profound passion, but what’s life if you’re just working all the time and don’t have time for yourself?
In other news, I’m feeling very happy and content with life. And I say that because it’s a reflection on where I’m at with my healing journey. Coincidentally, a memory photo came up that 3 years ago yesterday, I saved a picture of me saying that I wanted to die. Because 3 years ago, the police told me there would be no criminal charges. And it threw me into a deep depression. I don’t know if I’d say I became fully suicidal, but I was very much feeling the desire to not be here anymore and wanting to be with Kirby and Daisy again, of not wanting to endure the suffering of the traumas of the systems on earth anymore. That was 3 years ago. And now, today, I just feel so… cleaned out. And I use that phrase with my therapist. In all areas of my life, I’ve scooped out all the “gunk” from my soul, laid it out on the table, and I’ve done a hard and darn good job sorting through it. I’ve gone through the darkest and deepest parts of myself and splayed it out to be addressed and healed. And I’m coming through that and it feels so, so good. Just genuinely good and happy. Now, that’s not to say that I’ll never pass through times of depression and hardship in this world again. But those will be more situational. I’m healing from the inside out, and it’s glorious.
I’m also in the market for a new therapist. I finished up with my last one and now I want one to maintain. I’ve effectively “graduated” from therapy, but I want one to maintain myself, especially and specifically before trial. I just want to care for myself in that way.
Anyway, it’s been a hot minute since I posted and it’s always in the back of my mind that I’m very absent during the coaching seasons, because yes, there are two. 6 months of the year working 14 hour days, 5-6 days a week. It’s kind of a lot. And I miss being available and present to this area in my life. And I’m just very, very aware of it.
So I’m here, and not here, but here nonetheless. I’m very grateful for the joy and good in my life. Very, very grateful.
Sarah's Story 