Thursday, March 14, 2024
As my current pregnancy with our rainbow baby comes to its close in a few short months, I’m feeling a lot for the one we lost.
It’s bittersweet, because the reality is and forever will be that this beautiful girl I carry inside me now would not exist without the loss of our first.
I love this beautiful girl that we’ll get to meet so very soon. That joy is immeasurable. And, there is grief in its shadow, of the loss that led to her.
When I found out I was pregnant with this baby girl, I called to my husband and he joined me as we gushed over the positive pregnancy test. And then, I got on my knees at my bed and cried to the sky, “I’m so sorry this isn’t you.” And it’s true. I’m so sorry this isn’t you, our first child. I’m so sorry that we lost you.
The day I got your positive pregnancy test was filled with so much love and joy. I became your mother immediately. I started caring for you immediately. And I had the blessing of carrying you for 10 weeks.
And it was only 10 weeks, and I’m so sorry for that. I’m so sorry that you stopped growing at almost 7 weeks. Your body remained safe within me for 3 weeks after you stopped growing, but I didn’t know that.
You came with me abroad, to Spain.
And the books I bought for you, our sweet and so dearly loved first child, I’ll share with your sister now. I will read them to her in your honor, because those books were yours and for you.
Today we got to see your sister’s face via ultrasound and we are so excited to see her grow. I hope you’re with us and watching her grow too.
And thank you, to our beloved and sweet and precious first, for the gift and blessing of your sister. I know she’s your gift to us.
And forever and always, I’m so sorry it wasn’t you.
Love you forever,
Your mom 🤍
Sarah's Story 