Tag Archives: dv

I had a panic attack last night {triggered}

And I haven’t had one of those in a while. I was triggered and I felt my body go into the freeze mode it always did when I was terrified for my life around Mat. My boyfriend is so great but his driving gives me severe anxiety and ultimately it led to a panic attackContinue reading “I had a panic attack last night {triggered}”

New Job + More Therapy

Let’s start with the good: I got a new job!!!! I’ve had 3-4 high schools interested in me and this week I was a finalist at two of the high schools. One of them offered me the position and before I accepted, I asked if I could go on a tour of the building. TheyContinue reading “New Job + More Therapy”

It’s not over yet

Jeremiah 29:11 was the scripture verse on my devotional card this morning. “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Plans not to harm you. My God blesses me. My God is good toContinue reading “It’s not over yet”

I’m going to be in the news again

The reporter (very kind) is doing my story and told me he contacted the Will County State’s Attorney office to ask about my case, and they told him they were reviewing my case. If that’s true, great, if not, I know political talk. But, I’ve decided (as I shared) that I’m not going to pursueContinue reading “I’m going to be in the news again”

“I hope you can move on”

That’s something I’ve heard on more than one occasion from people close to me, namely family members. It came from a place of love but this idea, that statement, is very harmful. For the REST of my LIFE, I will carry this trauma with me. Until the day I die. It will forever and alwaysContinue reading ““I hope you can move on””

This time is different.

^ Quote from my therapist I was telling her how anxious I was about filing this police report and nervous and scared of it being the same as the last time I was so hurt and traumatized by the system. And she said, “this time is different, it’s not the same experience.” And that comfortsContinue reading “This time is different.”

I’m saving lives.

I’m crying and I’ll add more to this post soon but I’m saving lives and I can’t tell you what that means to me. With everything, the injustice system not pressing charges against Mat, the bullshit we’re dealing with in court with this lawsuit, none of that matters because I’m saving lives. I’m telling myContinue reading “I’m saving lives.”

I am the sun ☀️

In therapy this week, I reprocessed some of my trauma and how I was triggered into feeling paralyzing fear when my dog Rosie jumped on my lap as I drove the other day. It brought me right back to the day Mat killed Kirby, because that morning, as I drove to Mat’s house, Kirby jumpedContinue reading “I am the sun ☀️”

When the victim blaming comments don’t impact me

I was checking my filtered comments on Tik Tok this morning and saw somebody commented that I “ate Mexican food while he killed Kirby” and therefore get no sympathy from this person because I put my boyfriend before my dog. And to that, I say: yes, I ate Mexican food that day. I’m incredibly proudContinue reading “When the victim blaming comments don’t impact me”