Tag Archives: mental health

A year ago I wanted to die. And tonight I danced.

Tonight I got up and danced. Well first I worked out and then I jammed to my music and just danced. And it felt good. A year ago I wanted to die. Literally. I remember sitting in my car, sobbing, because I didn’t want to be alive. I wanted to die. I wanted to beContinue reading “A year ago I wanted to die. And tonight I danced.”

“I hope you can move on”

That’s something I’ve heard on more than one occasion from people close to me, namely family members. It came from a place of love but this idea, that statement, is very harmful. For the REST of my LIFE, I will carry this trauma with me. Until the day I die. It will forever and alwaysContinue reading ““I hope you can move on””

This time is different.

^ Quote from my therapist I was telling her how anxious I was about filing this police report and nervous and scared of it being the same as the last time I was so hurt and traumatized by the system. And she said, “this time is different, it’s not the same experience.” And that comfortsContinue reading “This time is different.”

I’m angry. Angrier than I thought. Fuck the system.

I’m so angry. I’m so hurt. Fuck the system. Fuck Kim Foxx. Fuck the prosecutors who victim blamed. Fuck them. I’m angry. And hurt. And I need to talk about it. Or write about it for now (I have therapy tomorrow night). I’m so angry and hurt I feel myself coming to tears. On Tuesday,Continue reading “I’m angry. Angrier than I thought. Fuck the system.”

I am the sun ☀️

In therapy this week, I reprocessed some of my trauma and how I was triggered into feeling paralyzing fear when my dog Rosie jumped on my lap as I drove the other day. It brought me right back to the day Mat killed Kirby, because that morning, as I drove to Mat’s house, Kirby jumpedContinue reading “I am the sun ☀️”

Rosie went to the vet & I still grieve Daisy HARD.

Rosie wasn’t feeling well this week. I emailed the vet on Tuesday night and asked if I could bring her in this weekend. They wrote back on Wednesday morning saying they’d prefer to see her as soon as possible with her symptoms and they had an opening for that afternoon. I took it and toldContinue reading “Rosie went to the vet & I still grieve Daisy HARD.”

I’m not doing ok, but I’m fine

It’s situational. And it’s trauma, and I accept that and I’m in therapy to cope with it, so I’m ok. I accept the hurt and pain and grief (that’s the hardest one) and allow myself to feel it when the feeling comes up. And as for situational, I hate my job, I’m suffering there, andContinue reading “I’m not doing ok, but I’m fine”

I almost cried at the vet last night

I took Rosie to a new vet last night because she was due for her annual check-up. I researched a ton of vets and this one had like 1,000+ five-star reviews, so I scheduled her appointment and was fine waiting six weeks to be seen due to the wait. The vet is incredible. The clinicContinue reading “I almost cried at the vet last night”

Haters are weak-minded people

And they’re on the same level as my abuser. Let me explain. I posted a video on Tik Tok yesterday since I have court today. The video is a montage of pictures and videos of Kirby and Daisy. I made it as a reminder and expression of what I lost. It’s meaningful to me. Anyway,Continue reading “Haters are weak-minded people”