GSD/My sister/Triggers

My sister and her boyfriend got a German Shepherd a couple months ago. And she and I haven’t been the same since. German Shepherds have been a huge trigger for me. Obviously. A huge part of the abuse was the German Shepherd. He had it attack me, I watched helplessly as it attacked my dogs, I just can’t.

And then my sister and her boyfriend got a German Shepherd. And honestly it’s not so much about the actual dog of the German Shepherd but it’s a culmination of her not supporting me and her lack of empathy towards me. I had asked her not to send me anything about the dog. No pictures, no updates, nothing. And she was very non-emotional in her response, essentially being like, “uh ok.” And then she posted a picture of her dog on her Snapchat story and I saw a preview and it majorly triggered me so I deleted her on social media. Because I wanted her to be able to post about the dog but I don’t want to see it. And yeah, things haven’t been the same since.

But on the bright side, I’m in therapy and I know it’s not me. I mean I told Emily all these ways she’s hurt me and she responded by getting angry at me and blaming me for all of it. There’s a word for that: projection.

So no, my sister and I aren’t speaking. And I’m good with that. She has a lot of stuff to work through and I genuinely and sincerely wish her well on that journey. I’ve been able to break the cycle because of therapy and I hope Emily grows into that.

But no, I don’t want to know about her dog. I don’t want to hear about it. I don’t want to know it exists. It’s a huge emotional trigger for me. My sister brought this beast into her home, our family. The very kind of beast that scarred my body, that left puncture wounds in the neck, legs, and throat of my dog. And everyone goes on talking about it like it’s this great thing.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m working on the German Shepherd trigger. I got a part-time job in a grooming salon to work with dogs and I’ve gotten so much better being around German Shepherds when they come in. So I’m working through that. It’s the support, or non-support, that’s a huge trigger for me.

My family has a tendency to blame me (I wrote a whoooole post about that but put it on private for now). So they look at this and think Sarah is so awful, causing problems with the family. And I’m not. It’s them. I told my sister she hurt me, she got angry at me for that, I told her I want to move forward, she got angry at me, I told her I’d be here when she’s ready, she got angry and said she doesn’t know what to expect from me.

So yeah, therapy this week was amazing. I realized I don’t mind so much the lack of a relationship with her. What bothers me is having animosity in my life. And so I let it go. I’m not allowing animosity in my life. But when she’s ready, I’ll be here. And we wish her well on her journey.

Internal peace.